How am I supposed to feel?

I am so full of a litany of emotions lately. I have no idea how I am supposed to feel. What were those 5 stages of grief House gave to Cameron? (not that I relate to Cameron at all but I kind of did then.) I think I am somewhere between anger and depression. IDK.

I feel lonely and isolated and filled with regret. No one seems to be talking to me, it seems. I don’t know if it is because people do not know what to say to me, or feel that I made a mistake in not going back home for the funeral, that I am a bad daughter/sister/friend/anything under the sun.

I don’t know if I making the right decisions anymore. I don’t know anything anymore.

I don’t even know how I’m supposed feel anymore. I didn’t expect to feel so empty.

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6 Comments

  1. Cyn
    29/03/2011 / 17:32

    "I don’t know if it is because people do not know what to say to me"

    I think it's this. People have a difficult time wondering if they are either supposed to ignore what has happened ("Hey! How about those Celtics!") or get you to talk about it. I don't believe that anyone who knows and loves you would be judging you at such a difficult time in your life. Most people, I believe, want to NOT make you feel bad and don't realize that by being quiet they are doing just that.

    Love you and thinking about you. <3

  2. abostongirlinglasgow
    29/03/2011 / 17:45

    <3 thank you

    I just want some sense of normalcy back. I have it here for the most part since my schedule is pretty stable and boring. And it is hard being here and not there I guess; I feel so removed.

    Bring on Opening Day! 🙂

  3. Donna
    29/03/2011 / 18:03

    Just just think…in a matter of days you'll see Hayes and I'm sure she will make you smile and laugh. Losing someone who we love so dearly is never easy. But losing someone and not being able to be near the rest of your loved ones during your grieving time is probably one of the roughest times I would imagine we could go through. People tend to not want to intrude on others when we know it's a hard time…but what we should do is just let you know we are thinking of them. For that, I'm sorry that I failed. I know you weren't looking for an apology or sympathy….and I don't feel you 'made' me feel bad. You just wrote. Your friends ARE here for you. Always. And Forever.

  4. Nance
    29/03/2011 / 18:11

    Everyone's grief and the way they process it is their own. It's not something to be judged. Speaking for myself, I naturally hesitate to ask anyone about personal issues because I don't want to make them bring up something that will cause them pain or seem invasive, which unfortunately can seem standoffish or cold. Life is one big balancing act and most of us are standing on one leg with our eyes closed. 🙂

    I'm sorry you're hurting–you're in my thoughts. (And please tell David T. I said "hey!")

  5. abostongirlinglasgow
    29/03/2011 / 18:13

    Thanks Tex. <3 <3 You all are the best. It means a lot to just know there are people out there who haven't written me off.

  6. abostongirlinglasgow
    29/03/2011 / 23:00

    Thank you Nancy.

    It's good to hear I'm not alone in this.

    I will pass your regards along to DT in June. 🙂

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