Anxiety ridden

I woke up this morning filled with anxiety.  I am so worried about the next few months and what exactly is going to happen.

1.  I have applied for my PhD.  So I either get accepted or not.  I’ve already been preliminarily approved for funding via loans (so that is good).

1a.  If I get accepted, then all is well, and the anxiety will be over.  Other than writing 70 billion words over the next 3 years.

1b.  If I don’t……then what.  I obviously have 3 options.

      2a.  Stay here in Glasgow and find a job (hopefully).  I can stay 2 years on my student visa if I find employment, which may not be easy.  It would also give me a chance to apply to other schools if I decided to go that route.

      2b.  Apply into a teach in the UK/Scotland program (not sure if I would be eligible, since I already have a teaching licence and experience- I need to go to career services and find out).

     2c.  Go back to the US.  If this is the only option, I have no idea what I am going to do.  I don’t even know if I will have enough money for a plane ticket home, never mind finding a place to live, a job, etc.  This is my biggest fear b/c if I go back to the US, well…… I don’t even know if I can find employment nor will I be eligible for any unemployment, etc as far as I know.  Which means I would probably have less than $100 and that certainly won’t last very long.

Granted I should have thought about this a year ago, but I would be in the same position if I still wasn’t working or employed full time (last year I was substitute teaching due to the lack of jobs).  I am sure I could get my p/t job back, but that would mean living in or as close to Boston as possible so I could work the p/t job and that is just 3 hours on a Saturday.

*sigh*

I know worrying doesn’t help, but these are the realities I am facing.  I just really hope this all works out.

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