Anyone who knows me, or who reads this blog for that matter (which is probably why I don’t get many comments) knows or has read that I am a glass is half empty kinda gal. I am always negative. Nothing is every right. Nothing ever goes right. I’m a mess, a disaster, and nothing good ever happens to me.
I certainly feel that way right now. This year has sucked so far. I’ve had health issues. My mum has died. I’ve had academic issues. My flat has been robbed, and belongings stolen. I can’t lose weight. I was sick for over a month. I went to London and got spat on. I could go on.
So while I am very aware of how negative I am, I wonder how much of this is the fault of negative thinking? I mean I am sure I didn’t have a cold/infection/whatever for a month + because I was upset about being ill. I am sure my flat wasn’t burgled because I am down on myself all the time, right?
My question is, is that if I were more positive, would things go right? Would finishing my dissertation be a breeze? Will I meet David Tennant next week? Will I get into the PhD programme or get a fab job offer? Will I suddenly lose 20 pounds and get rid of this headache I’ve had for 5 years?
Because I will be honest. I am starting to panic. My dissertation is due on 3 August. (I had no idea what the due date was b/c I didn’t see the attachment I was sent before today and I really thought I had more time.) I still don’t know what the deal will be with the PhD programme. I was under the impression that all the document were received based on an email I received but I checked the online checker thing and it said it was on hold waiting for documents. And if I don’t get in, how am I going to get home? Will I have a place to live, a job, anything? I am really in a panic here. People always say things will work out, but I don’t want to go back home and be homeless and have nothing at all.
So do I think positively and get on with it or do I keep with my negative (but realistic as I always thought) ways? And that way I will be pleased when the outcome is positive, but not disappointed if it isn’t.
Ok. Procrastination over.