The waiting is the hardest part

I’ve submitted my paperwork for a hardship loan from the university.  Say what you want about me, and how I live my life, but it isn’t easy living just on school loans.  I don’t have a rich family to help me out.  In fact, there is nothing further from the truth than that.  I don’t have my mum to ask to give me a tiny helping hand (in this case the ability to have my dissertation printed and bound, or food to eat).  I may have made a few poor decisions, but nothing like the past.  I’ve tried hard.  Really.  So please do not judge me, unless you’ve walked in my shoes, and lived through this.

If you know me, you may know I’ve made poor financial decisions in the past, but this year has been different.  I get a set amount every few months and I live on that and that alone.  I’ve been careful.  I never expected to have to go home and watch my mum die, or to have my flat broken into.  No one expects these things.  And I’d appreciate if you kept your thoughts about my past mistakes to yourself.  Thank you.  Because you do not know how hard the past few months have been for me.  

There is nothing I can do about this, but worry now.  To put my fate in the hands of people I do not know, and hope my story is moving enough for them to grant the loan.

It’s been a hard year.  I’ve had surgery, moved across the pond, started and ended a relationship, had my flat broken into, and lost my mum.  It has not been easy.  I don’t want pity.  I’d just appreciate good thoughts directed here.  That is all I ask.  No judgement.  Just positive thoughts.

And I am scared and worried as to what will happen if this loan isn’t granted.  I will hopefully know the day I plead my case, which is Thursday.  If the answer is no, I will be pawning anything of value so I can have my dissertation printed and bound by its due date.  And hope there is enough left over for food.  I don’t know what we’ll do without money for rent and utilities.

I know people will tell me to be positive, but I’ve had too much good luck lately, and I don’t want to get cocky and think it’s in the bag, when it may very well not be the case.

I just wish I didn’t have to wait until Thursday to find out.



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