Moving on

A year ago today I started the biggest journey of my life.  I wish I took more advantage of it.  I wish I spent less time sitting at home in my flat and went out more.  But I could say that about all my years in Boston as well.  I know I am not a go outy person, but I should have tried a little bit more.

 

All around me people are moving on.  Dates are made, races are run, weddings take place, jobs are found and started.  Yet I feel frozen in time.  I feel like I’ve backtracked.  I feel lost.  The headaches are back.  I haven’t got an inkling on any jobs. I feel like at nearly 36, I am a failure.  No career, no current job or prospects, no relationship.  None of the things I wanted to have done at this time of my life have I achieved.

 

I know I am a negative person, but having all of this in my mind at all times isn’t helping and I can’t break the cycle.  Can’t or won’t.  It’s hard to change your entire outlook on life in an instant.  Or a day, a month, a year.    It’s hard to give up or change one thing you’re really good at.

 

I don’t know where or how to fill this space anymore.  I am sure my readers are tired of the same old, same old.  Unfortunately things are out of my immediate control.  I can’t offer myself a job, or be picked to be a tutor, or any number of things I’m waiting on.  And that’s part of the problem- not having control. I feel out of control b/c right now I am doing everything I can, and nothing is happening.   As the song goes, “the waiting is the hardest part.”

 

Hopefully I will be back with something happier and positive.   And soon.

1 Comment

  1. Nicle
    20/09/2011 / 02:37

    Hang in there…
    I’m with you on the job search. It sucks bad right now. I wish you luck.

    Keep your chin up.

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