State of Play

Wow, I haven’t blogged in a while. I just haven’t had much to say that I haven’t blathered on about already. It’s unfortunate that nothing has changed. I feel like I can’t catch a break. I know I am not the only one out there, but my situation isn’t going to change without a change of luck.

Job search:
It’s not going well. Every day there are fewer and fewer jobs I am actually qualified to apply for. Retail jobs have been a bust. I had an interview at a large family clothing store with crap commercials {not to disclose names} and it was ridiculous. I got all dressed up to be interviewed in the front of the store. I apparently am not even qualified {or didn’t pass the background check} to work holiday retail. It was a real boost to my self esteem to say the least. I got another rejection email today; I’ve been applying for any and every teaching and assistant position in my area.

Well it goes without saying that I am miserable. I’m not sleeping well which doesn’t help. I’m out of medications so I’ve been without my anti-depressant for some time now {which was also helping with the pain}. I’ve also had nothing to help the headaches either. The pain level has been averaging about a 7 now most days- adding to the depression/lethargy/basic inability to do anything at all.

I feel very whiny and pathetic right now, which I know isn’t helpful or positive. But it is really hard to have a positive outlook when nothing at all is going right. I just feel out of sorts and being back here hasn’t exactly been what I had hoped or expected. I think I overestimated what would happen and how I would feel. I had hoped I could walk back into my old life and it would be all sunshine and roses. But the year away changed me, it changed what I want and expect out of life, and I want that back. I just wish it would happen.

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