What if?

As part of the August Healthy Living/Fitness Blogger Writing Challenge, this is the fourteenth post in a month long series of posts.

Today’s topic is what if. . . .

My life is one big what if.  I spend sooooo much time thinking what if over dozens of things, that I never really live in the now.  I’m always down on myself for not making smart decisions, and thinking what if.  It’s a vicious cycle.  Yet, I never seem to learn from my mistakes, no matter how hard I try.  I don’t have just 1 major what if, I have dozens.

What if I had actually tried in high school?

What if I had played sports as a kid?

What if I had never been bullied in school?

What if I had picked a college for my undergrad years that wasn’t based on something absolutely silly?

What if I hadn’t dropped out of college for a semester b/c I was “engaged?”

What if I had learned to manage my money better and smarter and never had to file for bankruptcy?

What if my mum had not been able to help me?

What if I hadn’t broken up with my first long term boyfriend?

What if I had smarted up right away and broken up with the “Nazi?”

What if I had stayed at my high paying job in IT?

What if I had gotten a great public school teaching job after I got my Masters?

What if I had actually started dating after the breakup instead of (and continuing to) wait nearly a decade?

What if I had never moved to Scotland?

And this is just the tip of the iceberg.  I know that if one of those what if’s were different, I would quite possibly not be sitting here in Glasgow writing this entry.  I would be someone different.  Not to say that that isn’t great, or what I am doing now isn’t great, it’s just different.

I always envisioned myself being a wife and a mum.  Right now I am 90% sure that that will not be happening, at least the latter part unless something changes in the very near future.  However, I am the one that has to make that change and change terrifies me, so I have to decide what’s more important, fighting for the future, or having one more what if.

 

Do you have a “what if” moment?

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