Lately there’s been a lot less fitness/workout/etc around here and a whole lot more of depression. anxiety, stress, and a whole lot of nothing.
-Because I got lazy.
-Because I got stressed and more depressed and even more anxious.
-Because one week off (Ph.D orientation) led to another week of getting nothing done at all other than retail therapy, and lamenting my knee/heel pain. It all became more and more excuses. Imagine if I had a “real” job. I’d get nothing done at all!
It happens. Life happens.
But I need to do better. I can’t just watch NCIS marathons all day- well I could . . .
It’s about motivation. And I have it. Kind of. Maybe had would be the appropriate word.
And then I got into this debate online about how “fat” is the last acceptable prejudice. And how it was impossible when I was on Optifast to have had the results that I had because of calories in- calories out and I obviously had to have been cheating. (I wasn’t. The program was so costly, I could hardly afford the stuff as it was, never mind buy food in addition!) But that’s another story. It happened. IDK. Sorry not everyone’s body isn’t as apparently perfect as yours.
I found out that SO many people will look at me and judge me as a fat, sloppy, lazy, smelly, useless, worthless person.
It made me angry that so many people out there feel that way.
It made me resentful that I have to do this and be anal over every bite that I eat and workout as much as I can and still not be “normal” and be judged. I know I shouldn’t let some idiots on the internet have this kind of effect/power but these people are out there in the real world to. This just adds to my never ending anxiety (more on that another time).
It isn’t to say that this week was a whole wash. There was a lot of walking. There was a trip to the gym today. Maybe not enough to counter the week of delicious scones though.
As for now, it’s hot bath time followed by homework (if I can keep my eyes open), Downton Abbey, and sleep.