On my mind

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.  I was going to add some of these things in my 7 things about me in my last post.  Then, I realized it was pretty deep and depressing and I didn’t want to go down that road.

1. I have a hard time getting motivated lately, unless I have a super-serious deadline, which I don’t.  I know I need to get on a schedule, but I lack the motivation to get that done too.  I don’t know why this is right now.  I mean most of it is just good old fashioned laziness, but…

2. I live in constant fear and worry.  I worry that I won’t get my work done (which in turn causes me to shut down), worry that I am not going to be able to find employment after finishing my Ph.D.  If there is something going on, I am certainly worried about it.  I worry about having enough money to get through to my next loan installment.  I worry about finding a part time job.

I also continue to be fearful about many things.  I want to apply to be members of online fitness communities, but I fear I won’t be accepted because I am not at my goal yet, or I don’t blog enough about it, or because I still put cream in my coffee.  I worry that I am not good enough to do these things, so I end up not doing them since I don’t want to be a failure.

3.  I worry that these never ending headaches over the past 7 years are never going to end and I am going to have to live the rest of my life like this- in constant pain.  I will be seeing my 7th neurologist this weekend and I am worried and scared.  I worry that I won’t be taken seriously.  I worry that I will not get treated appropriately.  I worry that they will think I’m making all of this up.  I’m scared it will always be this way and that I will always have this never ending pain.

4. I’ve been thinking a lot about switching up my diet to be more paleo/keto.  The thing is, is that I bloody love carbs.  And the last time I did a low carb diet, I felt terrible.  I was hungry all the time, but also felt sick all of the time.  And I was dizzy and my brain was full of cotton wool, even with doing all the things that they tell you how to cope with “keto flu.” (Like drinking broth, etc)  Of course it was bad timing as I was writing my dissertation and I needed to be able to think, which I could not do without carbs, or enough.  So this time around I’ve been doing a lot of research to determine what would be best for me and my brain-works.  I’m going to be attempting to eat lower carb foods after breakfast, and find ways to get better carbs in like sweet potatoes.  Granted, I could eat sweet potatoes every meal as I do love them so.  🙂

5.  I clearly need a holiday!

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