Trying to deal

I’m trying to deal with what happened today.  I’m frustrated and angry.  I feel like I was violated.  If I had been someone who had lost 150-200 pounds or more I’d have felt to belittled by the way the neuro treated me.  Telling me to try harder is futile.  I am trying as hard as I can with never ending headaches, anxiety, depression, Ph.D work, and oh yeah the fact that my father has cancer.  So neuro, I’m so sorry I’m not losing weight fast enough for you, but I am doing as much as I can.  Judging me without asking if I’m on a regimen or workout or lost weight or whatever isn’t helpful. I am not sure what I am going to do now.  I am not sure of how to proceed or where to go.  I don’t know enough about the way medicine and referrals work here.  I don’t know if I can be referred to someone else.  I hope my GP has better answers and if not, I am finding a new one. (I go to the one at uni, not a local surgery.) So despite being so frustrated and angry I did workout today.  I had a meltdown when I started doing squats.  I felt so fat and useless and I just wanted to go home and cry.

We did:

  • Barbell Bench Press:
    • 20 kg x 5 reps
    • 20 kg x 5 reps
    • 22.5 kg x 5 reps
    • 25 kg x 3 reps
    • 30 kg x 2 reps
    • 35 kg x 5 reps
    • 35 kg x 3 reps
    • 32.5 kg x 5 reps
    • 32.5 kg x 5 reps
  • Standing Barbell Shoulder Press (OHP):
    • 20 kg x 5 reps
    • 20 kg x 5 reps
    • 20 kg x 5 reps
  • Barbell Squat:
    • 20 kg x 5 reps
    • 20 kg x 5 reps
    • 25 kg x 5 reps
    • 30 kg x 5 reps
    • 35 kg x 2 reps
    • 45 kg x 5 reps
    • 45 kg x 5 reps
    • 45 kg x 5 reps
    • 45 kg x 5 reps
  • Barbell Deadlift:
    • 50 kg x 5 reps
    • 50 kg x 5 reps
    • 55 kg x 3 reps
    • 65 kg x 5 reps
  • 65 kg x 1 reps

I feel better for doing the workout, but still feel uncertain about this morning.

I hope the rest of the weekend goes better.

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