Day 5: Biggest fear

This post is in conjunction with the January blog a day challenge.

My biggest fear, apart from dying alone, is vomiting.  I am a super emetophobe, to the point where reading an article in the Times about how possibly millions of people in Scotland have had/have it nearly had me scrubbing my hands with bleach.

I can’t even know about someone online who lives in another part of the world being sick without me freaking out about it.  It’s bad, I know.  Just the thought of being sick sends me running for the theoretical Xanax.  (I wish I had Xanax.)  I’m a horrible sick person myself, where if I do end up with any type of stomach bug I will 9 times out of 10 end up in A&E/ER since my body doesn’t know how to stop being sick once it starts.  I usually end up on a truck load of IV fluids and more than one anti-emetic (usually stronger than what they give cancer patients).  It ain’t pretty.

It all stems from when I was a child.  My dad was sick pretty much multiple times daily for over a year, and ever since then I’ve had this huge paralyzing fear.  From about 9 until I went off to university, I slept with a bucket under my bed just in case.  Depending on how I felt when I went to bed, that determined how far the bucket was pulled out from under the bed.  (It took until I got to uni and took some psychology classes to figure out I was suffering from awful anxiety which was making me feel sick, and was causing the nearly physical reaction of being sick.)

Anxiety in ANY form is not fun at all and I certainly hope that someday I won’t be as fearful and stressed out about being sick (and a host of other things as well that I don’t need to go into.)

Do you have any crazy/irrational fears or just the normal ones?

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