Day 20: Beautiful

This post is in conjunction with the January blog a day challenge.

I’ve had 2 serious “serious” boyfriends in my life.  The first one was the one that got away (stupid, stupid, stupid me) and the second, well we all know how that one ended.  I’ve had a few not so serious boyfriends too, boyfriends I knew were going nowhere, and at that those points I was totally fine with it.  None of them ever told me I was beautiful.  Maybe because I don’t think that I am, and they picked up on it.  Maybe they didn’t know how to tell someone with pretty much no self-esteem that they were beautiful and be believed.  I don’t know.

Since 2004 I haven’t dated much at all really.  I don’t feel like I’m in a good place for it- for no reasons other than the fact that I’m scared and need to get over myself, or I’m likely to be alone forever.  I think my therapist thinks I’m taking the piss over this, since half the time I want to be alone and the other half I want what “everyone” else has.

I just want to be happy, feel loved, and feel beautiful.  Isn’t that what everyone wants?

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