Adding insult to injury

I’m not a good patient.  Granted, I’ve never been really laid up with an injury before.  (I wasn’t allowed to play sports as a kid, and I’ve only been physically active over the past 10ish or so years.)  I was laid up when I had surgery, but it was temporary (and I was back to work 2 days later).

Which brings me to this week.  I haven’t been sleeping well from a mixture of stress and tapering off the Lyrica.  And my legs have been really sore, like keeping me up at night pain.  Clearly there is something more wrong than shin splints. Google doctor has said stress fractures, bone spurs, or compartment syndrome.  (The latter has been ruled out by my GP.)  Anything else will have to come from a physio.

It also hasn’t helped that I blame myself for this happening and hate myself for how I look and how fat I am and how I will probably be told that to some effect.  I don’t do anything by halves, as you can see.

Which brings me to Wednesday.  I went to the walk in physio and for the first time in my life I wasn’t 2 hours early for something.  And because of that I was turned away.  I was not very nice about it either.  (And then I went to Tesco to buy some cherries and they wouldn’t scan and I threw them.)  I’m not proud of myself.

I was so stressed out and frustrated because I couldn’t run, as I’ve come to rely on it as my stress reliever.  I then promptly had a horrible panic attack, probably the worst one I’ve had in years- complete with jaw tightness and chest pain!

I didn’t feel guilty about the ice cream I had for lunch after that.

What now?

I honestly don’t know.  I plan on camping out at the other walk in physio on Monday and if that gets me nowhere, trying to come up with funds to go private.  In the scheme of things, it isn’t the end of the world if I can’t run right now.  I can manage, somehow.  What I want to make sure is that in my normal activities I am not doing any  more damage that will take more time to heal from.

2 Comments

  1. 19/08/2013 / 07:56

    I hope today finds you in a much better place physically and emotionally. I hope you find some answers and some peace. Sorry things suck right now.

    Stopping by from SITS.
    misssrobin recently posted…Trusting in God’s TimingMy Profile

  2. 20/08/2013 / 18:41

    Sit down and separate the crap self-esteem from the pain, ( I know virtually impossible) and the drug withdrawal.
    Remember you did it because you want to feel better, so your intentions were healthy and the results are a consequence but not a judgement on your decision. Doctors are rubbish at cross-cutting issues like drugs v. training, and ‘is my tiredness in my head or what?’ so remember they can’t add it all up as well as you may be able to.
    If you hurt watch tv knowing you are allowed to for a bit. If you don’t hurt try a walk, and if it is sunny have the ice cream. You are in Glasgow, it won’t happen many more times this year! x
    p.s. and ignore people like me with too much advice 😉
    Mercy recently posted…The week so farMy Profile

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