Perception

Something happened to me yesterday that has me questioning how I am perceived by others.  Normally, I try (and fail) to not give a shit about what people think about me, but in all honesty it does bother me when I’m not liked or I’m not doing a good job or have not had feedback about how I am doing, leading me to think I am brilliant, when I may not be.

10 years ago, I was a student teacher.  I thought I was awesome.  I had a great group of kids, who liked me and who were overall just amazing.  At the time, personally, I was a mess.  I was living at home, I was in a bad relationship, I had no money, and I was miserable.  But I thought I had this one thing I was really, really good at.   When the semester came to a close, I got an A.  I was thrilled.  What I didn’t get was a written letter of reference from the teacher I worked with.  Now this could be for a million reasons, but if you had a good student teacher, why would’t you give them a good reference?  It still bothers me to this day.  Was I that bad?

It makes me kind of crazy to think that after all of this time that the sacrifice I made by leaving my highly compensated job to go teach was for naught.    I really wonder if I am the brilliant and amazing teacher I’ve been telling myself I am for the past decade.

It makes me think about how I am perceived in all.  I know I can come off strong and opinionated and loud.  I know that when I get really stressed and anxious I can come off as a flake or a bit crazy.  It makes me wonder how many people who have only met me once write me off because of how they have perceived me to be- a bit of a loon who is self absorbed and has a lack of social skills.

It is also one of the main reasons why I haven’t tried to date.  I believe that I will be looked at and dismissed because of how I appear on the outside and it doesn’t matter how many days I run or how many races I finish because I’m still significantly fat.  I won’t be perceived as a healthy, active adult, because on the outside I don’t look it.

 

Do you worry about what others think about you?

4 Comments

  1. 24/10/2013 / 12:49

    Here’s what I’ve learned in the past year. Kill them with confidence.

    It doesn’t matter what you look like or what you do, but if you walk into a room feeling good about yourself, you instantly become that much more attractive. Easier said than done, I am sure.. but you’ve worked hard to get where you are at and despite all the circumstances that may not be ideal, you’re still working at it!

    Embrace the progress thus far. And get out there and date. What’s the worst that can happen!? 🙂
    jennifer recently posted…Informal planning, an injury, congestion, and a half-marathon..My Profile

    • 24/10/2013 / 17:00

      I am totally terrified of being laughed at or stood up/walked out on b/c I don’t “look” right. I’m probably also terrified of something good happening too.

      I suppose I will never know unless I try, huh?
      Cindy recently posted…PerceptionMy Profile

  2. 03/11/2013 / 23:23

    I think it’s a bit crazy-making for us to wonder what others think and know they often jump to the wrong conclusion. It would be a lot better if we could all do the things we love, don’t mind how people perceive us etc. But that’s a lifelong journey for most of us!
    https://www.donnaandtora.com

  3. 12/11/2013 / 20:24

    I have to say that most of the time I get away with the illusion that I don’t care; until someone criticises me and my whole world collapses – at which point I remember that I am a small smear of slime. Self-criticism is a different matter…

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