Dream

I’ve always dreamed extremely vividly.  Colours, sounds, images, scenes; all accurate down to buttons on shirts.

When I get stressed out, I dream of a place I felt safe, valued, and loved.  The people are exactly as I remember them. The layout of the store is always accurate to details long forgotten.

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The other night I dreamt of someone from my past; someone I haven’t seen in nearly 25 years.  But the details, feelings, and emotions that I felt were so real, that I actually expected it to be 1989 when I woke up.  Sometimes I think my brain plays out my own Life on Mars fantasies.

I honestly have no idea why *now.*  Why at this moment he was on my mind.  I don’t remember actively thinking about him, but I was thinking about one of the reasons I spent so much time with him.   There was a connection made in my subconscious, then.

I know that my thesis topic can bring me back to this particular time in my life, and I shouldn’t be surprised that I had this dream.  I was reading stories that reminded me of my own; stories of pain and sadness and anguish.  Stories that make up the sad statistics and reality of the current climate and reality of young people around the world.

I could have been a statistic.

Some days that frightens me.

I was lucky.

Despite the self-destructive path I was on then, I came out the other side.  Battered and bruised, but I made it out.  And it was down to him.  It honestly was.  He saved me.

He saved a silly girl who just wanted to have friends and her first boyfriend.  He saved a girl who loved science fiction, INXS, the Weather Channel, and detective stories.  He saved a girl who didn’t know how to ask for help; a girl who hid for months at lunch because she didn’t know how to stand up for herself or ask why.  He saved a girl who was (and still is) flawed, goofy, says ridiculous things, is a complete spaz from time to time, has no filter, and is pretty damned self-absorbed when she wants to be.

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He saved a girl who went on to become a teacher so she could do the saving.

I wish I had said thank you enough.

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