You might wonder why my site is called Running is my Mind Palace then, eh? Well, you see, I really don’t consider myself a “runner” runner for a variety of different reasons.
- For example, today I happened to be wearing my Great Scottish Run 10K tshirt. It says FINISHER in big bold letters. I was in Starbucks waiting for my latte, when a woman came up to me and asked if I had finished. Ummmm it says finisher, duh. I said I had, and she gave me an incredulous look. Now granted, I get it. I do not look like a runner. And half of me understands when people who don’t know me don’t believe that I run or lift or whatever. And the other half is like really, so I don’t have a runner’s body, but does that mean I don’t run? I don’t know. It’s a conundrum.
- If it is raining, I won’t run. Nope. Nope. Nope. I do not like to be wet and I certainly don’t like to have my expensive running trainers get all wet and squishy. Call me a wuss. It is NOT my cup of tea at all. Granted, if it is raining, getting out of the flat is an endeavour of its own. I just don’t like being rained upon and getting to my destination wet, even if I have a brolly and wellies, I still end up damp and gross.
- I do not get up early to run. I don’t get up early to do anything, really. I generally roll out of bed between 10am-12pm. I have the luxury of being able to do this. I enjoy it. I love being able to stay up and listen to the Red Sox or read or watch telly. Part of me wishes I could be more motivated to get up to get the working out of the way, but it generally just doesn’t happen and my runs get done when I feel like doing them, be it 4 pm or 7 pm.
- My current mile time is slower than it would take me to walk said mile. And most runners can run 2-3 miles in the time it takes me to run one. I know you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but damn does it get discouraging to see people’s Runkeeper stats on twitter sometimes. I can generally do 3K in the time it takes people to run 3 miles if not more. My 10k time is a lot of people’s half marathon times. My 5K time is a lot of people’s 10k times. Totally discouraging and depressing.
- However, RE: the above- totally MY fault. No one has told me to take a month + off running a month ago. No one force fed me Penny Pigs. I did those things to myself, and I SHOULD feel disgusted my my habits. I am certainly not going to improve myself by doing things that damage my progress, just like how not working on my PhD for most of the year is keeping me from getting done on time. No one did that to me. I did that to me, depression or not, it was still my choice.
- I lack self-discipline, willpower, dedication, and perseverance. When the going gets tough, I give up and eat ice cream. I don’t try harder. I don’t ask for help because I’m ashamed (and then I eat ice cream) and the cycle continues.
- I fear injury so I only run 3 days a week (maybe, if I’m lucky). I mentally know I can do more. I know I can. But fear holds me back, just like it does in all areas of my life.
- I don’t think I can join any of my local running groups. I am WAY too slow and would hate to have to be the last person and have people waiting around for me, or to have to have someone be my partner/babysitter when they just want to run. That’s not fair to anyone. I’m also way too self-conscious to run with a group.
- It gets tiring to have rude things yelled at me when I’m on a run. I know that this isn’t a phenomenon that’s solely directed at me. However, it gets old fast to have people laugh at you and say rude things.
So, maybe someday I will be a proper runner. For now, I’m just a girl who occasionally goes for a run, and that has to be enough for me.